MY JOURNEY TO CONFIDENCE: THE LOW DOWN

Saturday

Welcome to another post in my The Low Down series, where I basically just chat about important stuff and well, give you the low down.


In this blog post, I'm going to be talking about why confidence is so important, my journey and tips for you to become more confident. It's not easy and I wouldn't even say I'm a confident person, but I guess I just give less of a shit now what other people think of me.


This is so cliche and basically said all the time but life is too short! One day you might die (ok you will just trying not to be too morbid) and if you were to watch your life back at the end of it - you would wish that you just did the things you wanted to do, wore what you wanted to wear and were the person you wanted to be without caring what others think of you.


girl in bedroom with shein sunglasses


Why you need to work on your confidence


For me, I really think confidence would be the answer to all of my problems. You need it for job interviews, relationships, friendships, and loads of other reasons. I am someone who worries and gets nervous about absolutely everything so it comes a lot less naturally to me. This is why I have to work hard at stepping out of my comfort zone.


We feel comfortable around confident people and they are always easy to make friends with because they put themselves out there. However, if you're a worrier like me it can be really difficult, and you might be reading this like yeah right, like I could ever be confident? But you can, firstly you have to try and see what you can do about the things you worry about most.


It's easy for me to say stop caring what people think of you, but that would mean unlearning so many taught behaviours.


Why confidence doesn't come naturally to so many of us


The reason so many of us lack confidence and try to please others is because we are culturally taught that we need to. Through advertising, we are told we need new makeup to change the way we look and cover our "flaws". Have you ever thought, would I even notice this flaw if the media hadn't pointed it out to me? 

This society obsesses over thin bodies and marginalises curvy people. Body types, skin colour, who you love, the gender you identify as, nationalities, disabilities, age - these are all compartments of your identity yet some are more "accepted" than others.

Also, how often do you compare yourself to the people you see online or on TV? Do you ever wish you were them? We are so used to a certain way of looking and acting in our society that you kind of may not want to be any different at the risk of being too noticeable or worrying about how people will perceive you. This is all wrong! We should celebrate our differences and just not worry about what anyone else will think.

If there are people in your life who will change their opinion of you if you start being yourself then I'm sorry, but fuck them! It's time we start learning this at a young age I think. I am 22 and know I have a long way to go before feeling fully confident. But at school, I'd mostly just try to fit in and stay under the radar and pretend to like things I didn't so that people wouldn't think I'm weird. This is wrong again, and I do think younger generations are definitely getting better when it comes to accepting other people.

It's especially hard for marginalised people to be who they truly are. For example, in a society that's values are based on heteronormativity, it can be so difficult for LGBTQ+ people to come out, and be unapologetically themselves. In a world where they can be violently attacked for who they love. 

I could talk about so many things, but basically, the world we live in makes it really difficult for us to be confident in who we are. This is why we all have to actively step up and really try to take charge of our own identities. For the sake of our own mental health, but also encouraging others to do the same and looking out for their mental health too.

Steps to gaining more confidence


Now full disclaimer, I have already said I am not a particularly confident person and I'm not some sort of mental health professional who can really help you sort your life out. These are just tips that I have used to really become happier within myself and have made me more confident in social situations.

1. Stop focusing on the person you should be, and start focusing on the person you are - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.


It sounds obvious, but honestly when you let go of what people and society expect of you and just start doing you and what makes you happy, you will feel a lot better. This is quite a challenge, and as I said earlier, it will take a lot of unlearning of things you knew, but it is vital!

2. Fake it 'til you make it


If you really lack confidence but need it for things like job interviews etc... then really just practice acting confident. You have heard the term practice makes perfect? Just take your time trying to act like a confident person and eventually this will become habitual.

I have been in the process of this lately. one thing that terrifies me is talking on the phone. I will email, text, DM my way out of phone calls any day but as I am adulting, I need to pick up the phone for things more. It still scares me but before each call with someone I don't know, I have a little word with myself like come on you know what you're saying you can do it. 

I've had a similar thing with Imposter Syndrome a lot too, thinking I'm not good enough for things I do or don't have enough followers to be reaching out to a brand to work with them. For this, I just have to think twice and kind of give myself advice that other people would give me. Like, you wouldn't have this job if you weren't qualified for example.

3. Let go of your fear of rejection


Something that stops a lot of people feeling confident is a fear of rejection. This is a scary one because the way to get over a fear of rejection is to expose yourself to it more. Nobody likes rejection, it's human nature, but it shouldn't get in the way of our happiness.

I am watching Love Island at the moment and have seen so many people get rejected on live TV, which some people may think is tragic but it's really not. It's all about how they handle it. If they have been rejected and they take it with pride, like oh well I stayed true to myself that's ok, don't you have a lot more respect for them than if they were to go off on one? So reactions are key!

Another time we can face a lot of rejection is applying for jobs. Honestly, applying for grad jobs after just finishing university in a pandemic was the most I have ever been rejected in my life. Was this because I wasn't capable of doing the job? No. Is this how it made me feel at times? Of course! Then, I did secure a job and remembered how hard it is at the moment and that it is not to do with me.

4. There is only room for uplifting people in your life


In your life, if you put it simply, there are people who make you feel good when you spend time with them, and then there are people who don't. My advice is to only focus on the people who make you feel good. You may even find cutting toxic, negative people out of your life really beneficial and freeing. Each time I have done this, I have been so much happier!

Who you spend your time with is SO important for your mental health, I can't even tell you. There is no room in your life for people who want to put you down or don't want to see you shine. Bin them off. Obviously if possible, some toxic people might be in your workplace or even in your family - tea.

Good friendships are ones with people who want to see you grow. They are happy for your successes, not jealous or trying to put you down. They celebrate you and whatever differences you may have from them and you leave them feeling refreshed, rather than drained.
How has your journey to confidence been going? What advice would you give to your younger self? Also think, what advice would your future self give you right now? Think about your idols and what makes them have the confidence that they do.
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5 TRAVEL ESSENTIALS YOU NEED FOR A TRIP AWAY

As a lot of people are travelling more now, whether that be around the UK or abroad, it's important to know what to pack. Many of us will be out of the swing of it due to various coronavirus restrictions on travel, especially abroad.


For this reason, I am going to share with you a few of my travel essentials. I usually try to pack as light as possible because I hate having to carry heavy bags when I go anywhere, so this will probably be bare essentials and I may miss some stuff out that is important to you. These are just my tips.


woman walking through airport with luggage
Image by Gustavo Fring on Pexels.


5 essentials you need for travelling


1. A separate purse or wallet


Now, this one is mainly for if you are travelling abroad and have different currency. I always like to take a separate purse for my holiday money or any holiday cards so I don't get it mixed up with my UK cash. You don't need to do this, I just find it easier and it gives me an excuse to have another purse. Also, if you have any tickets for anything you can keep them in the holiday purse too.

2. Miniatures


Having small toiletries for travel is so much easier as it takes up so much less space and you may only be allowed under 100ml liquids if you are travelling with hand luggage anyway.

3. Hand sanitiser


I mean this one really doesn't need an explanation but it's just essential to have on you at all times to make sure those hands are clean.

4. Portable charger


If you're like me, then you will need a fully charged phone to take pictures and videos of every waking moment of the holiday. It's also important to have a charged phone in case you need to call anyone or use google maps to find something.

5. Pain killers


Any time I travel, I seem to be cursed with getting a headache. Whether it's from getting up early, or maybe drinking a little too much while I'm away, I always seem to get one. So I would definitely recommend taking pain killers with you. I learnt this the hard way when I went to Mallorca a few years ago. I needed painkillers and they cost me around 5 euros on the resort when in the UK they are literally 40p.

So there we have it. Everyone is different and will have different essentials, and it depends on where you are travelling to as well. Obviously, if you are travelling abroad you will need a passport and boarding passes. If you are going on a long haul flight you will need different essentials - I may write a separate blog post on this.
What is one thing you can't travel without?
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HOW TO CREATE A MEDIA KIT

You might be thinking, what is a media kit and why I need one? Well, I'm here to answer these questions and give you some advice on creating one, and what to include.


What is a Media Kit?

A media kit is a document that bloggers, content creators and influencers use to show information about their platform. It's usually shared to brands so they can learn more about the creators they are working with.


Books on a shelf

If you want to work with brands, it's important to have a media kit that you can keep up to date with your stats. This way if you are emailing a brand to work with them, you don't need to send a long email about the views you receive on your blog or the engagement you get on your social posts. You can keep all this information in your media kit and attach it, such a time saver.


I used Canva to create my media kit and made sure the branding aligned with the colours I have used across my blog and social media channels to keep it all consistent. Mine is also only 3 pages because I feel like for now, that is all that's needed but yours may be more or less depending on how much information you want to put in. I would try to keep it to around 2-5 pages though, to try and be concise.


What to include

Here is a checklist of things you can include, you may wish to include more if you need to.

  1. A short bio about what your platform/blog is about.
  2. A photo of yourself.
  3. Who your main target audience is.
  4. Your blog and social media platfroms and stats - I just included followers on my socials, my blog views and blog domain authority, but you may wish to include social engagement rates too. Make sure these are up to date before you send it to brands.
  5. Brands you have worked with in the past. This is optional, if you are new to this you won't be able to add this just yet but it's just a good way to show your experience if you have it.

How to use it

The purpose of a media kit is to summarise your platform and also to pitch your brand to the person or brand you'd like to work with.


If someone asks to work with you, you can show them your media kit so they can learn more about you. Alternatively, you can email brands with your media kit and pitch to them. Pitching to work with brands is a completely separate thing, that I feel like I can't write a blog post on yet, just because I don't do it too often so I wouldn't be giving expert advice. Maybe this is one for the future when I start pitching more. 


What I will say is, it's definitely worth putting yourself out there to brands or even local venues that you'd like to work with. It has paid off for me quite a few times now.


Do you have a media kit?
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LIFE UPDATE - FINISHING UNIVERSITY

Bit of a chatty one - I just thought I'd update you all on my life as I have finished university!


A few years ago, I wrote posts on applying to uni and wrote updates on how my first year was going, but since then I haven't really spoken about it that much on here.


So after 4 years of being a Communication and Media student at Bournemouth University, I have finally finished and I got a 2:1 overall with a 1st in my dissertation! I am now working as a Social Media and Communications Coordinator for the same organisation I did my internship with between second and third year.


I am so glad I went to uni it was such a good experience, obviously there were some downs but I wouldn't change it. I won't get into all of my highlights and lowlights for the year because that would take forever. Maybe I will do that when I am really missing uni but for now I just wanted to update you all.


Bournemouth university students going to summer ball

Related: Top tips for starting university


What have I learnt?


To be honest, I feel like most of the stuff I learnt was about adult life and what kind of person I am rather than academic. Obviously I did learn a lot about media too, I feel like I can never watch a film or read a newspaper article properly again without analysing every word or every scene. But reflecting back, the experiences I had will mean more to me than that kind of stuff (sorry lecturers).


It was a shame that Covid kind of got in the way a little bit of my final year but I have still been able to do lots of fun things with my friends. 2021 is definitely the year of the bottomless brunch!


Luckily, because I live an hour away from Bournemouth I can go and visit whenever I want and I will still have friends living there.


I live in a very small town where I'm never really pushed out of my comfort zone so uni really helped push me to make friends and put myself out there (usually helped by a little Dutch courage too).


Where do we go from here?


As I mentioned before, I am starting my career in social media marketing and I am really enjoying it so far. I'm really looking forward to see how my career goes too. At the moment I am still learning about it while working.


I've had a few questions about university and applying to jobs so if you want to know anything, please feel free to ask me. 

Related: 7 ways to enhance your CV

To be honest, I just can't believe uni is over it's so weird how quickly it went. I still feel the same age as when I started too, I feel like everyone says that.


It definitely feels like the end of an era but also not in some ways because I am still planning to keep in touch with all my uni pals as much as possible.

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